


One More Bottle Empty

by Tumblr_Trash



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:59:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6915568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tumblr_Trash/pseuds/Tumblr_Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi was convinced he found the person he wanted to live the rest of his life with. The person he  could trust and love forever. A little alcohol can change everything</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Kid

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how far this is going to go, but if its good it'll go a while and that's probably what's going to happen because I planned this out as long term. So let's see how it goes.

It was like yesterday, the fresh memories of everything I saw and felt, after all these years. I dont think they'll ever go away, no matter what happens or where I am. I was so in love. I am so in love. The one I wanted to marry, have a life with; filled with laughter and tears, happiness. I wanted to live like our marriage didnt exist, like we were still in highschool; without a care in the world, falling in love with each other each and every second.  
Its what I wanted.

Erwin and I met when I moved into town, at the end of junior year, when my mother and I moved away from my dad. My dad wasn't the best, we were all crammed into an unhappy home and my mother couldn't stand to see what it was doing to her son.  
I transferred to Survey Highschool, the pride and joy of the district. Before I set foot in, I already hated being there; no one liked being the new kid; not knowing anybody, where you're going, the teachers, what you can and can't do, where to go.  
Erwin was a tall, tall blonde, who was most likely in sports with a ladies man attitude  
He took me under his wing. He showed me through my schedule, introduces me to the teachers, showed me even the classes I didnt have, showed me his schedule so I knew where to find him if I needed to.  
We became really close throughout that time; like brothers, I guess. When we got close enough, we would do anything together, he took me to an art show case for Audubon, he took me to a concert I can't remember. For my 17th birthday, he and my mom dragged me around town on a sight seeing trip, even though I'd seen most of the city, but I didn't mind. I didnt mind at all. 

"Ah, Levi. I heard Byers gave you detention. Did you yawn or actually do something this time?"

Byers was the math teacher. He was the worst. You can't even get up to sharpen your pencil without getting sent out of the room. Once, I yawned and he sent me out. This time I actually stood up for myself. I said something along the lines of-  
"Get off my ass already, you've been chewing it since I got here!"  
He didn't appreciate that. He quite literally threw me out of the room, of course not without calling me a 'disrespectful little shit' .

"No, no. I actually did something this time. He didn't like it when I told him to stop chewing my ass. But I dont know what he expected." He just laughed.

"Typical."

 

In the middle of our senior year, Erwin came out to me and his parents as gay. It was hard for him; you could see that he was nervous about something that whole month, and it didn't help that his parents threw him out because they 'couldnt stand the sight of him anymore '. So, he moved in with me and my mom, which my mom accepted him as her own almost immediately. He was really upset about it, it tore him up for a good while, but I made sure he was okay and he was back to his old self in no time.

On my 18th birthday, he bought me a bottle of some alcohol I couldn't pronounce. My mother was out, leaving me to do my coming of age things, so of course he'd do it.  
This was also the first move he made on me.  
We were sitting and watching Twilight Zone as the buzz was wearing off, around 4 in the morning, when he leaned into me. He was so close I could feel his breath hitting my neck. At first I didn't hear what he said, and I didn't until morning.

"You're all I've been looking for Levi."

A couple days later we met in the hall. As usual he threw his arm around me as he walked so we didn't have to charge through the herd going the opposite direction.  
"Levi, where are you going?"

"To class?"

"I thought I told you, we're skipping today"

I had no problem skipping Byers that day. 

We walked out of the school and no one stopped us because the office was on the other side of the school. No one was outside either. We walked away from the school and I felt his arm gradually slip lower and lower until he was just above my hips. I scooted his hand up because he knew I didn't swing that way. This wasn't the last time he hit on me, in fact there are countless other times; 'jokingly' asking if we should hook up in the supply closet, making up stupid pick up lines, putting his hand dangerously far up my thigh, the glare he gave anyone that probably even thought about me, keeping me close to him. I never mentioned it and neither did he because we didn't care. We knew it wouldn't mess up what we had, it never could. We walked and talked about pointless subjects on and on, exchanging embarrassing childhood stories, good and bad times. Fuck, he even got me to talk about my dad.  
And my uncle.

We ended up in a secluded little park far away. The grass was green as it could get, the sun hitting the blades and casting that little sparkle. The dark oak surrounding it were old and strong with squirrles running up and down them. The smell of lavender filled the area along with the sound of humble bees working away. It was a perfect little area. And somehow I knew this wasn't accident.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile, Levi" His voice broke the silence, until I realized I was smiling.

"Shut up" My smile grew, turned more into a smirk, but it grew.

I turned to look at Erwin and his eyes were darting back and forth, not knowing what to look at first. His eyes were crystal blue and the dark green shirt he wore with the sun hitting them perfectly, made them glow. He stood tall, like the place was his, no one else could step foot in it with out his say. I couldn't look away from him and I didn't know why, maybe it was the fact, I was a dumb teenager. Maybe it was the fact, I actually did swing that way. He turned to me and looked me in the eye.

"Levi, you know..that I've .. " He never finished. 

Instead, we laid down, looking up at the sky and figuring out what the shapes were and what they made, even making stories for them sometimes. We sat there all day, not even bothering to go back to school because the year was almost over anyway.  
That little park held my first kiss with Erwin, in case you were wondering, we didn't have sex there. 

We didn't talk about it, we kept going as if nothing even happened between us. I kept telling myself it wasn't anything because I knew I wasn't attracted to him. I knew I wasn't gay, and I knew I wouldn't get together with Erwin. 

Then college rolled around. We went to the same college naturally, and Erwin found a way to work the system so we roomed together. At this point, I would've expected to have been annoyed with him by now. However, we almost didn't communicate at all during the summer, which was a huge 3 months for me. During those 3 months, I realized how much I wanted him. How much I missed his constant hitting on me, his stupid pick up lines and his stupid blue eyes and stupid blonde hair and stupid face. I realized what I needed, I needed him. But I didn't know if he still felt that way, and I couldn't just flat out ask. So, I went along like I did in highschool, like I didn't know anything, because in truth, I really didn't. I had no idea what I was doing and why but it worked being oblivious. 

"Long time no see, Levi. How was your summer?" The question.

"It was long" I laughed. "I didn't really do much, but it was good to have a break from everything for a little while"

"Ah, but you could never get a break from me" He threw his arm around me again and leaned on me, because of course he fucking grew.

"Never" I laughed again.

That night everyone we knew, threw a homecoming party, with enough booze you could only think of. Erwin and I went, before we did anything we took 2 shots of vodka and moved on to the infamous drinking games. I won't lie, I have a pretty high tolerance to alcohol. So I drank a lot and I was plastered. I must've been going for a while because Erwin had to pull me away. But he didn't just pull me away from the booze, he pulled me away from the whole thing. He dragged drunk-ol-me to our room. We were both heavily drunk sowe had no idea what we were doing, but we did. We knew what we wanted, we wanted each other, and we figured that out in an ice cold stare that spoke words itself. Erwin walked towards me until I hit the wall behind me and he joined in the first kiss we hand that actually meant something. His hand went up to my jaw so I stayed in place and his other hand was in my hair. Drunk me smiled and dove right in, and maybe sober me would've done the same. 

"You're all I want"

Those were few of the last words I heard that night.


	2. College Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's best memories came from college- well, most everyone's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some amazing comments on the last chapter, I really appreciated it and it made me so happy to know that the readers enjoyed it. That's what makes writing fun for me, so as promised, another chapter. This is short, but I'll be on later to post more.

I'll admit, I was sore as hell after that night. But this time, we didn't act like it meant nothing. We knew what was there in that moment. We learned to listen to ourselves because it all came naturally anyway. We were still young and stupid, we still didn't know what we were doing, but we liked it. We liked how we couldn't expect everything when it came.  
I woke up with his arm draped over my back, keeping me close to him, and his lips still pressed to my forehead. I had him; he was mine, and after all these years I realized that this was what Erwin was waiting for. He was waiting to be able to say I was his, having something to hold onto and live with; happily. My fingers stretched out and tangled themselves in his hair, a warm smile arising from his cheeks and those crystal eyes opening again. My fingers left his hair and held his neck as I scooted closer, the hand that was on my back, moving lower.  
I remembered everything, regardless of the hangover, that memory stuck with me for forever, always replaying over and over. The warmness that was in the room and the early morning light shining through the blinds.  
The second I stepped out the dorm door, everyones eyes were drawn to me. I didn't mind, I just went along and eventually so did everyone else.

Throughout college, Erwin took me everywhere. Art galleries, opening resturants, musical museums, concerts, showcases, hiking trails, picnic areas, parks. I had the time of my life in those years, but everything comes with a price. Since I was 14, I've had a fear of intimacy. Night terrors used to come almost every night, and I thought that part of my life was over. I thought I found some way to forget. For a while, Erwin was my way. However, through college, I never thought about these things because I was too head over heels to even remember. Everyday that I learned something new about him, it acted as bricks for a wall; just kept building up until you didn't know where it ended. Erwin never knew this, and that's probably why he was terrified when I had my first terror with him. But that's a different story.

About 2 more years into college and we weren't all schoolgirl about what we had; we didn't giggle and blush, we justed nodded our heads and enjoyed the expression on the persons face afterwards.

"Levi, one day, I want to be able to give you whatever you wanted." He looked next to him at me. 

"What do mean?"

"I know you're not happy all the time.."

I didn't say anything.

"And all I want is for you to-"

"I'm fine. I've forgotten about it. Its done."

"Levi, I just-"

"Erwin." I looked at him. "It's done"

I tried to get off the bed but he leaned forward and grabbed my arm, spinning me and pulled me so I fell on his lap, I laughed and accepted the kiss he offered.

That's how my life was. My life was sunny and full of mornings like that. Now, I'm 26, I have my degree in Art and I have an apartment with Erwin and he works as the President of Wing Corporations. I have a good life now, I guess I'm husband that stays at home, makes the dinner and offers all the love I can. Except, I mostly sit and watch whatevers on screen in the same clothes I slept in. I was watching some stupid show about teenagers getting through highschool. I had a bowl of cereal and I sat and ate unitl I felt Erwins arms come through and hug my neck, I looked above me and smiled.  
"Welcome, home" We met in a quick kiss and he came around to sit next to me with a beer in his hand.

"Levi, its 8 at night, why are you eating cereal?"

"Why aren't you eating cereal?"

He hummed and popped open his can with a happy laugh. He put his other arm around me and pulled me into him. He had a lot of moments like this, but every time it was like I was just meeting him again. He didn't have to have conversations to make eachother happy; we just had to be together. I didn't drink as much as he did, I stopped as soon as I got out of college. But his habits didn't bother me at all.

"Tommorow we should go down to Sina, the gallery."

"Erwin, I've been there a million times."

"But I love seeing your art, you don't keep any around the house."

"Its only like 2 pieces, why don't you just make a print?"

"Its not the real thing" He kissed my jaw then my cheek and started playing with my hair so I'd say yes. And damned if it didn't work.

"Alright, alright we'll go, just stop being such a baby." I pushed his face away and smiled, but he came right back and planted another kiss on my lips.

The next morning, we did go to gallery, just so he'd shut up, even though I didn't really want him to. He got exactly what he wanted and he let me take him to breakfast. In my town, we had a building called the Breakfast Jungle, it had 2 stories which were connected by an elevator surrounded by a fish tank, the floors were made of black marble and the tables of spruce wood. Plants were just about everywhere, along with 4 ponds that no one knew how deep it was, all anyone knew, was that its straight down, so whoever fell or got in, wouldn't be coming back up. This place was one of my favorites, because it was always quiet enough, no one was yelling. It also helped that the food was amazing.

We couldn't go to a lot of places because not everyone wants to serve a pair of two men. Our options were limited, so we took what we got. He ate while telling stupid stories and laughing over the smallest things, No one bothered us because the building was almost empty, minus the college students lingering at every few tables.

This was the life I always wanted, acting like fools and falling in love every time he smiled.


	3. And Then There Were 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin seems a bit off, but its probably just a bad day at the office. Right?

This little fucker! All I asked for was a coffee, preferably in a cup, not all over me.

"I'm so sorry sir, I didn't mean-" The brat piped up.

"Just-" I growled "Just get a new one already."

I took my sweater off which pulled up my shirt that Erwin quickly grabbed and held down. I grabbed at the napkins and wiped off as much as I could. I shouldn't be so hard on the kid, after all he's a clumsy teenager, what else would I expect? His green eyes were staring at me, they were a nice green though. No matter how green they were I still wanted to punch the brunett in the face. He was trying to go too quickly at fixing things, which was kind of funny. Erwin was staring him down. He kept babbling on and on with apologies until finally Erwin stood up.

"Listen here, he gets it your sorry. Now shut it and quit fucking around so you can get another one" His voice was harsh, almost a growl.

I furrowed my brows and turned him around, giving him the "what the hell" look. I've never heard him talk like that to someone he didn't know. The kid quickly obeyed and nodded. I slapped his arm.

"What the fuck, he's just a kid. Its not that big of a deal"

He just rolled his eyes and sat back down, something was off but maybe it was just one of those days. After I cleaned up and sat down, a couple minutes passed until the next coffee came up. I stood up to go grab it before Erwin sat me back down and grabbed it instead. He then paid and dragged the both of us out. I stared at him in confusion. He didn't look back until we got in the car. Before he could reach for his keys, I grabbed them.

"Levi-"

"What was that?"

He rolled his eyes again. "He spilled coffee on you and wouldn't shut up" He grabbed at the keys.

"You never act like that with someone you don't know, there's more you're not telling me."

"I didn't like the way he was acting with you okay? End of story." He snapped.

He grabbed the keys from my hand and shoved them into the ignition. I'd never seen a side of Erwin like this. I sunk into my seat and remained silent. Erwin was a jealous person, but he'd never do that to a kid. Something was wrong but I got the hint that he wasn't going to spill.  
When we got home and acted as if nothing happened, but I didn't, I held onto it. Of course I didn't say anything because in all honesty, I was a little scared of what he was going to do if I did. He seemed vunerable so there was really no telling. By this time, it was around 2 to 2:30 so I couldn't start making dinner. But what I did do, was put on a movie. One of mine and Erwins favorites; The Princess Bride. This little action turned his mood around, but of course, not before he grabbed a beer from the fridge. I let myself forget the little incident for a little bit and enjoy the time we were spending. He pulled me into his warm hug and rested his head upon mine with a smile. I turned my head just a little to plant a light kiss on his neck which made him chuckle and squeeze me. I pulled the blanket over us as the movie began to play. He watched to movie peacefully, but not without the reenactment of our favorite lines.

We were about half way through the movie when Erwin stood up to grab another beer. I didn't like all of his drinking, it interrupted the time we were spending together and made his breath reek of the stuff, the cans littered the living room and were even spilled sometimes. He sat back down but I didn't lean back in, he looked over at me and then back at the screen. I continued watching until he yanked my back, adding that small twinge of fear back into the situation. I don't know why I've started to be afraid of him, I know he'd never hurt me, he could never do that. I've known him for years, he's the last person I should be afraid of. I was just being overdramatic. I tried to relax but I never really could.  
When the time came around, I got up to go do the dishes so I could start dinner. Erwin did what he usually does and collects the ones around the house, while I cleaned. When he was done, he grabbed an already open can from the fridge that I'm guessing was half empty and then he sauntered into his office without another word. I watched him leave and looked back at the dishes to continue. I finished in under 20 minutes and grabbed the ingredients to make Chicken in Wine sauce, a French dinner my mother used to make me when I was still with her. I grabbed flour, salt, paprika, ground black pepper, bonless and skinless chicken along with olive oil from the cabinet above me. Memories of me and my mother played on as I cooked.

As I went on, I felt Erwins arms snake around my waist and his chin dug into the crook of my neck, his lips pressing a soft kiss to my neck. Then I smelt the whiskey. His fingers ran down my sides and pulled my hips into his. I pulled away and pushed his hands off of me.

"You're shitfaced, Erwin."  
There was a moment of silence that was there, that I took the finished dinner out of the oven and set it on the counter. I took the gloves and apron off before Erwin pushe me into the counter and spun me around to meet in a slobbery kiss. I kept my mouth shut and tried to push him away, Erwin tried lifting me onto the counter before I kicked him away, wiping my mouth. I glared at him.

"The fuck has gotten into you?" I said in a confused anger.

He smirked and moved forward again, this time I stormed to the bedroom, slamming and locking the door. He could sleep on the couch for all I cared. I pulled my shirt off and grabbed clean clothes from the wardrobe, then headed to the shower. I never really took long showers, they were always under 10 minutes. So, I stripped down and got into the lukewarm water. I started with washing my hair then my body afterwards. I noticed tiny bruises from where Erwin grabbed me before but I pretended like they weren't even there. I finished up and stepped out, folding the towel around my waist and standing at the sink to shave, which only took 2 minutes because I kept up on it everyday. I stepped out of the bathroom to find the bed still empty. I dried off and got clothed then slipped into bed, falling asleep after about an hour.

The next morning Erwin didn't mention a thing. In his eye's nothing even happened. But luckily for me, I was offered a job at the University nearby to teach an art major. Since I did nothing all day and got tired of being the house wife, I took the offer as soon as it was given to me. I was starting today. I dressed normally but I couldn't find my damn contacts. So I was forced to wear my glasses for once. So once I stepped out of the room, Erwin raised a brow at them.

"Haven't seen you wear glasses since highschool" He smiled.

I honesty returned the smile, highschool had the best years of my life. I grabbed my keys and kissed him on my way out. I drove silently and in thought, trying to figure out why the man I loved was changing like this. Maybe it was me that needed to change with him. No matter how long the drive was, I couldn't figure out what made him that way, demanding and harsh. Alcohol never made him act like this, except for the time in college, but we were both intoxicated at that moment. I didn't really matter if time froze for me to think it out, because I couldn't. My mind went to what happened yesterday with the coffee. Erwin was a lot angrier than he had let on, and the kid got it before I did, the fear in his eyes shone both for himself and me. Wait what? No, he doesn't even know how I am. He was just scared of loosing his limbs. The radio turned "Fake It" by Seether on. And I couldn't get the song out of my head all day.

  
_Who's to know if your soul will fade at all_  
_The one you sold to fool the world_  
_You lost your self-esteem along the way_  
_Good god your comin' up with reasons_  
_Good god your dragging it out_  
_Good god its the changing of the seasons_  
And just fake it if your out of direction 

I parked and walked up to room I was given, which I had put small pieces of mine up. I heard the University replaced all the staff the beginning of this year, which made it easier for me, since everyone was new. I pulled my hair back and rolled up my sleeves, because I already knew what I was doing that day, I was introducing landscapes, and I didn't even need much time to introduce myself, since I had a 2 hour class to start the day. After I laid everything out, I sat back and kicked my feet up, waiting for the students to flood in. Once they did, they quieted down and started up at me. I rose from my chair.

"I'm Mr.Rivaille. I don't expect a lot, other than you keep your seat clean along with everything else."

And that's when my eyes met with his. The brown haired-green eyed brat from the coffee shop.

This is was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, I know, but I have a ton of school work. I promise to post tomorrow!


	4. Always A First Time For Everything

Did I ever mention what exactly happened the night Erwin made that move?

That night, when I locked him out of the room, it was because of two things; fear and anger both. He was changing in ways that I couldn't ever imagine before. The look in his eyes completely changed; a different man. After the shower I took and after I fell asleep. A dream popped up. It didn't start right away of course. There was a couple moments of just pitch black. I thought it wouldn't come until a little while later when it started creeping in.It started the way it usually does. I was standing in my old college room, except it was empty. Erwin stepped into the room and everything seemed normal, which threw me off. He hugged me and kissed my temple, bringing a smile onto my face. We were talking, I couldn't remember what about, and he started lowering his hands again. I kept pushing them off again and again but he kept doing it. Eventually I held both of his hands so he couldn't do it anymore, but he just twisted and pushed me to the floor, pinning my hands above me. I was struggling. In my other body, I was starting to gather up the sheets and bring my body close together.

Back in my head, Erwin was traveling along my body until he got _too close._ That was when I kneed him in the face and tried getting away but he just pulled me back underneath him. He was angrier now and yelling at me to stay still if I knew what was good for me. Out of fear, I had stayed put as he said. He had his way.

I woke up in tears and I wasn't able to stop for a while. It kept playing over and over again and it felt so real. So I dug around, squinting through the tears to look for the sleeping pills I always had. I only took one, which knocked me out for the rest of the night.

What reassured me that it wasn't actually real, was the smile on his face when I stepped out that morning. Then, I knew that would never happen and it was just me overthinking this entire thing. His eyes and smile were back and he was himself again. So, I knew that it wasn't real and it never could be. It was just a stupid nightmare.

 

That day after my class ended. The brunette, Eren, came up to me. I was surprised when he didn't mention the coffee, well not directly anyway.

"Uh.. that day.. at the shop.."

"What about it?"

"When you and your friend.. were there.." He was speaking in segments.

"Fucks sake kid, spit it out."

"Well, I was just wondering if you were okay..?"

I raised my eyebrow. "I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"Well, I could tell you were confused and he wasn't exactly in the best of moods.. well I mean.. he seemed-"

"Angry, I know. Look, I appreciate your worrying but I'm perfectly fine.."

He started walking away, but now I had a question

 

"Why do you ask?"

He stopped and turn around, looking a little embarrassed. "Well.. you don't look .. _the same_."

"I don't look the same.."

"Before you looked happier. Today, your eyes looked dark and you seem nervous about something"

This kid was creepy. I didn't respond, which he took the chance to leave.

 

That was probably the weirdest conversation I've ever had. Either he knew me better than I knew me, or he was tripping on something that day. Which was easier to believe because he never acted that way after that. He acted like a normal teenager, not doing his work, back talking the teacher; which didn't end well for him because I've been doing it for longer. It usually ended with his face as red as it could get and his friends snickering in the back while he sunk into his seat. That was usually the highlight of my day.

But he and I weren't strangers. We ran into each other a lot, in and outside of the university. He asked for help a lot in class and he lived in the same apartment complex as I did; which was a little weird. But what was weirder, was that he was always around the same time I was with Erwin. I didn't pay much attention, because he probably leaves the house more than I do.

One day he came up to my desk, looking like he was about to puke and I was not about to be there when it happened.

"If you need to hurl, don't do it on me."

He shook his head and swallowed. "No, my mom was upset about my behavior in the class.."

I nodded. "And..?"

"She uh... wants you over for dinner." His face looked green.

"Look, theres a trash can over there if you have to throw up, just make sure it all makes it into the bucket."

He sighed. "I'm not going to puke, okay? Its not everyday I have to ask my teacher to come over and have a _nice_ evening with my parents."

"Alright, alright. So.. your mom wants me to come to dinner?"

He nodded.

"I don't.. see why not?" Shoot me now.

"Alright, well, I'm a couple floors underneath you so.. I'll see you around 8." He mumbled the rest and left the room like he just asked me to have sex with him.

 

I tried to keep this from Erwin, because I knew how he'd most likely react if he knew I was going to dinner with his worst enemy. But it wasn't all easy, he was skeptical when I tried to dress nicer, which was when he asked where I was going. The first reply I gave was that I was going to the gallery, but then he didn't buy it because I never wanted to go there.

"Levi. Don't lie to me."

I grabbed my house key because Erwin wasn't going to be there when I got back. "I'm just visiting my mother."

"You wouldn't dress up to see your mom, Levi." He blocked the door.

"Okay, fine, a student's parents invited me to dinner because they wanted to have a little  pow-wow, happy?" I reached for the door knob, which he blocked.

"Which student?" His eyebrows knitted together.

I didn't answer.

"Levi. Which. Student."

I rolled my eyes. "Jaeger"

"Him? That jackass? Why are you even going? So he can spill something all over you again?"

"Erwin that was just an accident-"

"Bullshit it was. He was checking you out the entire time!"

"Would you stop being jealous, he's just a kid." I reached again and he stepped away from the door, towards me.

"You're right he's just a kid, and he's a kid looking for someone to fuck around with. Is that why you want to go so bad?"

"Erwin, you're being ridiculous."

"Answer my question!"

"You know I wouldn't-"

"Stop avoiding it."

"Why do you always assume I'm cheating on you!"

"Can I not worry about whats going on?"

"It means you don't trust me!"

"You're right, I don't trust you! Because I won't loose you!"

"Why the fuck would you 'loose' me?"

"You're always going somewhere!"

"Because I have a life, Erwin!"

"Why can't you just tell me!" He grabbed my arms tightly and shook me once.

"Because I don't have to live my life through you!" I pulled my arms down.

"I never said you have to!" He clenched his fist.

"You control everything I do! I can't even get my own coffee when I'm with you!"

He didn't like that. He grabbed my collar and pulled me close, so close I could feel his breath, and guess what smell it carried?

"Are you drunk again?" I pushed him away. "Good God Erwin! Is there ever a second you aren't fucking drinking?"

"I'm an adult, it doesn't matter how much I drink!"

"Then no wonder you're so scared of loosing me, because you know you have a problem!"

That was the first time he struck me. It was quick, but it stung. If it was meant to shut me up, it worked. I didn't move, too in shock to say another word. I touched my cheek and felt the blood smear. I looked towards Erwin who was staring at me, the anger still on his face. He didn't say anything either. Not for a while.

"Levi, I-"

"I can't fucking believe you."

That was the last thing I said to him before I went into the bathroom to clean it up. It was 7:40 by now, I had time to calm down. I locked the bathroom door behind me. I heard Erwin come into the bedroom to grab his things and left. By the time I was calm enough, it was 7:55, so I left as well and made my way to the kids apartment. I was only at the door when I remembered I didn't do anything to cover the fact I was just hit. I acted like it wasn't even there as I knocked.

Eren opened. "Just on time."

His smile went straight when he looked at me.

"What happened?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got some angst in this chapter. Sorry this is mostly dialogue but I don't think it really matters right now. Comment what you thought about this chapter, and maybe what you think will happen next?


	5. Dinner

"Nothing" I shrugged and held straight face

He looked at me a little while and nodded. He stepped aside and let me in. I looked around and the place was surprisingly clean. The carpets were practically spotless and everything was dusted, not to mention the good smell coming from the kitchen.

"My mom's kind of a clean freak. Likes having a neat home" He looked around as well.

"Not a bad thing."

"I guess not." He smirked.

His mom called him into the kitchen and I walked a bit more into the house. I let out a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, since I was just a little paranoid being here. What did the kid ever do to Erwin? I looked more towards his drinking problems, hoping that that's all it is; a drinking problem. But if it goes of for longer whats going to happen to me? Probably nothing, I don't expect for this to go on for long anyway. I shook the thought away and tried to refocus. Light chatter came from the kitchen until a woman stepped out.

"Hello, my name is Carla, I'm Erens mom" She smiled and stuck her hand out.

"Levi, Eren's teacher." I returned the smile and took her hand.

She nodded. "Dinner will only be a couple minutes. Uh, what do you teach?"

"I teach Environmental Design and Architecture courses."

"Ah, well what made you want to work at a University?"

"I guess to just get out of the house and way from my husband for a little while."

"Oh- Husband, huh?" She gave me a look like I was her daughter who just got a boyfriend; that look.

I smiled. "Yeah." I held out my left hand "8 years at this point"

 "That long? How old are you if you don't mind?" She walked over to the couch and sat down, patting the spot next to her.

"I'm 26" I followed her and sat down.

Her eyes widened "Oh my- Really? But you're so young! How did you even become a teacher?"

"Well, I went through a couple years of college and started doing original art pieces. Some big name guy liked them and my name got spread around, in the local gallery. So when I went to get a job, they just accepted me in."

She nodded along. "How lucky!"

 

Eren's voice came from the kitchen, calling that the dinner was ready. When he stepped out, he had a weird look on his face, but it quickly faded and well all sat down at the table, making simple conversation until Carla wanted to talk about school.

 

"I heard Eren hasn't been doing so well in his class, I assume he told you."

I nodded. "My grading system is a lot harsher than others. I would love to go easier but it improves the skill, having to perform well from the beginning."

"Is there any extra credit you offer?"

Eren didn't like that. "What? Oh come on, Mom-"

She shushed him.

"Uh, well. Extra assignments? Just sort of do whatever you want on a canvas, whatever your best ideas are."

Eren got that special look in his eye, I could tell what he was thinking about. The world of his, the giants and such.

 

Dinner went by relatively well. At the end, Eren offered to show me home, when I refused he stepped outside into the hall with me.

 

"Levi..right?" I nodded. He went on. "Levi, what really happened? I've never seen 'nothing' just split someones cheek."

"Just a stupid fight, again, nothing" I turned around to leave.

"A fight with who?" I turned around again.

I stared at him until I realized he wasn't going to leave me alone. I stayed silent.

"Your.. husband?"

I looked away at the wall.

"You shouldn't-"

"I'm fine okay? Just a one time thing, a dumb argument."

When were done, I turned around and walked home, Eren watched me leave and headed back inside. I kind of felt bad, all he did was try to help, but I didn't need any. This wasn't going to be happening for long anyway. I walked into the apartment and looked around, I set my key on the coffee table and checked the time. It was about 9:30. I didn't really have anything else to do, so I walked into the bed room and fell straight onto the bed. I looked ahead of me and saw the picture I kept on the end table. It was me and Erwin on my 21rst birthday, before we were hammered drunk remind you, we were somewhere I cant remember. He had his arm wrapped around my shoulders with a wide grin on his face, and I was smiling surprisingly, leaning on Erwin. I smiled again. No matter what Erwin did, I could never find myself hating him. I could never truly hate him.

I thought about Eren for a second, the odd look on his face when he came out of the kitchen, I figured it was the fact he just heard his teacher was as straight as barbed wire, but for some reason, I kept thinking it was because I was married. I ruled out that thought because it ridiculous, he's a kid. Maybe he was right though, maybe I shouldn't be letting this go on. But what if it got better in the end, and I just threw everything away because I couldn't deal with it? I didn't know what to do. But for now, I knew I'd stay.

Late at night, when I was asleep, I heard Erwin come in and get settled. It felt weird, the way everything was acting normal, he and I both knew it really wasn't but we accepted it, I guess. He plopped down next to me, his warm arm snaking around my waist and gently pulling my body to his so he didn't wake me up. He planted a small kiss on my cheek, where a small bruise had taken place. I smiled as he laid down. I found his hand and held it mine and we both fell asleep.

It's been a while since I've had a night like this.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, but I've been working hard on a special chapter that will hopefully be coming up soon. I'll try to keep updating more and leave your comments below.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have an excuse for not updating other than I just didn't have inspiration to write anything, so hopefully the people who still read this, enjoy it.

That day actually went along well, Erwin actually got me to laugh which fooled me for the rest of the day. The whole thing almost felt like a dream, or a just a bad high; everything was great until you panicked, then everything scared you. That's pretty much how everything was. Except I realized, I realized I was too late. I thought things had to get worse first, I didn't realize I could loose him so easily. So that's what pulled me out of the blissful ignorance I had; the Erwin falling on top of me smelling of sweat and beer to turn around and find his skin dotted in dark hickeys. I felt like I had to puke and immediately pushed him off of me and twisting away from him. The panic in my heart started right away. My head buzzed, trying to figure out what to feel first; disgusted, angry, devastated. Mostly I felt taken advantage of; years and years of my life, precious memories were taken away from me and wasted because I was too dumb to even believe this could happen; like I thought I was special. I realized that nothing was. Not anymore.

"Is this what I really am?" I spoke up after long silence. "Am I a toy to you?"

He didn't answer me.

"Do I just past the time?"

"Of course not" He laughed.

"T-Then what's this? I know this wasn't me!"

He got closer and grabbed me be my arms, pressing them to my chest and burying his chin into my neck. I collapsed underneath him. I knew someone else had touched him and he was doing this with someone else, I don't know how long ago. My stomach turned again.

"You can't just take what you want!" I yelled and pushed him away, pulling my shirt back onto my shoulders. "Do you realize what you're doing to yourself? Or what you're even doing?"

"I know exactly what I'm doing, Levi!" He growled.

"Do you know _who_ you're doing? Or are you so shitfaced drunk you don't remember?" His silence only made it worse. "I at least deserve an answer from you, we're married for fucks sake! Does that mean anything to you?" I yelled.

"Of course it means something-"

"Then what does it mean? Really, tell me. You've been drinking so much now that I don't even know who you are! You won't even admit you have a problem let alone even listen to me when I speak to you. I fell in love with a different man than this. Now you're just a sad old drunk that rather drown than spend time building a life for yourself!"

"Stop it!" He screamed. He shoved me back into the counter and harshly pulled me back up to his face. He stared at me for a moment. I was breathing hard from running my mouth and from the panic. He leaned in and growled in my ear.

"I am building a life." His hand lowered towards the belt on my pants. "Perhaps not the one you wanted. And maybe, I waited too long, scared that you were going to leave me alone, like everyone else did." I felt his hand free the belt and snake his fingers inside the waistband of my pants. He pushed my neck up and tightened his grip. I squeezed my eyes shut and searched around blind to pull his hand out.

"I really loved you. I really did. But people get bored. You would understand right? With that boy toy of yours!" He yelled in my face. "I waited and waited. For you. To finally trust me with you. Trust me with your everything. Then I got tired of waiting and realized, I really can take whatever I want. Because you're mine now." He got closer and looked me in the eyes. "Have been for 8 years, Levi. And you said yes to this."

I started him in the eye. "You're sick" I wheezed.

My head buzzed with a heavy, numb feeling that dripped throughout my whole body. He turned his body away and shoved me to the floor. I choked on the dust and the tears flooded to my eyes. I slipped up for a second, then grabbed the chair to pull myself up. He got closer to me while my back was turned. As I caught my breath I had the chance to think and felt the anger in my stomach rise. I clenched my fist. I heard another step. I turned and swung, my first connecting with his jaw faster than I ever expected. I felt my knuckles split and the blood roll down the back of my hand. He fell back into the counter, reaching a finger in his mouth to find blood. Tears soaked my cheeks and reddened my eyes. He stood up tall again, stomping towards me and harshly pushing my shoulder so I turned. I yelled out when he started to pull me towards the bedroom by my hair. I cried and yelled for him to let go; pulling away more and more until I was freed. I made a run for the door, making to the lock and almost opening until I was shoved into the door and pulled back away; the doorknob grinding on my ribcage, bringing a horrid sound to my lips.

Erwin pushed me to the floor and pulled me underneath him while I kicked wildly. One of my feet must've landed on the alcohol stand because glass was scratching my feet and began to sting.

"Erwin, please, this isn't you!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know you" I started to cry again. "And the real you isn't like this" My voice broke.

He got on his knees above me and snuck his hand under my shirt. When I tried to move his hands away, he gripped my wrists tightly and pulled them out of reach.

"Please, Erwin.. don't do this. You know I don't want-" He cut my off by grabbing face and assaulting my mouth with his tongue while I aimlessly kicked to get free.

I wiggled my face away from his and tried to breath, the broken sobs and panic making it hard to breath.

"It doesn't matter what you want." He dove into my exposed neck and grazed his teeth over my skin; bringing shivers all along my spine.

"You're wrong." I blubbered. "You're wrong, you're wrong! You're wrong!" I spoke through the hysterical crying. "I didn't say yes to this, you promised _me_ this wouldn't happen on our wedding day and you're wrong!"

I wiggled one hand free and flung it back; hitting him in the face. He returned the favor though. He brought his hand down across my face and slammed me into the ground.

"It'll be so much worse if you don't shut your god damn mouth."

I did as he said and frankly; the rest was black. But I still felt my body. I could still hear the things he said to me, I could feel what he did to me.

 

 

When I had my vision back, I was tripping over myself trying to get out the door, which I had no reason to do because Erwin was no longer after me.

 

 

I don't remember when I went back to the house, when I showered, got dressed, drove to the Univeristy, sat down at my desk.

 

 

Everything was silent. All except one thing.

 

 

"Levi? Sir? Are you okay?"

 

I blinked and focused on the figure before me, my eyes taking their time to realize the scene.

 

"You seem really out of it these past couple weeks."

 

_Couple weeks?_

 


	7. Chapter 7

It only felt like yesterday, let alone a couple weeks. I blinked my eyes and rubbed my head. Eren was staring at me with concerning eyes; like usual. I didn't know why he worried about me so much; kids aren't supposed to care about their teachers.

"Levi?"

I looked up at him "Yeah. I'm fine. Just feeling a bit under the weather" My thighs ached as a reminder.

He furrowed his eyebrows as students gathered around the door waiting for the bell to go off.

"I don't think-" he was cut off by all the noise that came with the bell. He sighed 

"I don't think you're telling me the truth."

"What makes you say that?" I crossed my arms and leaned forward onto the table.

"Well.. your eyes are duller, you flinch at every noise that catches your ear, you dont talk much anymore. Levi, what happened?" 

I felt my eyes well up with tears, I took a deep breath and held them back; my voice being the only give away.

I looked down at my hands so he couldn't see my face; couldn't see that I was lying.

"Nothing happened."

After a sigh from him and continued silence, he walked away for a second to close my door and even lock it. My body tensed in fear that it would happen again; that I was loosing control. He pulled a chair with him on the way back to my desk and sat down in front. I sniffed as the tears became harder and harder to hold back.

He put his hand over mine, making me look up at him. "You can trust me, Levi. You can tell me what happened. You can't go on like this, its no way to live"

That's when my wall broke. My 14 year project came crumbling down because of some shitty, convincing teenager. I looked down at my desk again; no tears yet.

"You're right" I said quietly. "This  _is_ no way to live."

"Then tell me."

I looked at him, our eyes meeting with none of us looking away, and then I realized that I can trust him.

"I don't know where to start"

He waited. "Well, "  He held my wrist and gently pushed the fabric away, his eyes glazing over the skin. "Start with these." He looked at me again with a warm expression. "Why?"

I pulled my wrist back along with the fabric. "I don't know the answer myself. I don't remember the past few weeks very well."

"Well what's the last thing you do remember?"

I thought for a second. "Yelling.. Crying.. It was hard to breathe.. my back hurt insanely."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I don't know how I'd forget." He urged me on to continue. "I was sitting at the island, reading a book.. Erwin walked in drunk out of his mind reeking of somebody else.. I tried asking him why, and he told me that he just got bored; with me."

"He told me that he had waited so long for me trust him with my 'everything' that he got tired of waiting and realized he could just... take it."

"I was holding on to anything I could believe it wasnt him" My voice broke and the tears alone started to break free. 

"It was horrible. I couldn't see or move. I didn't even know when it was over because my body hurt so much."  Rising sobs joined the tears that rolled down my face. 

I brought my hand to my forehead in order to stay upright and didn't say another word afterwards; I couldn't, I was crying too much already. Eren didn't speak either, which would've surprised us both. But once he calmed me down, I could speak again but he beat me to it.

"I know that this is really hard for you, and its not really my place to say because this has never really happened to me but, I can help you through this."

"How? At the end of the day, I still have to go back"

"My dad got into some trouble out of state so my mom left my a couple hundred dollars and a key to an apartment cross town, if you want, I can offer you a room until you're back on solid ground" 

"You don't have to-" I began.

"I want to. I couldn't go on letting you go back to that place" He looked me in the eye and I knew he was right.

I smiled a little and sniffed. 

"Thank you, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik ik this is short so i might post again later today or tomorrow


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been sO LONG. I sincerely apologize for being away for so long, also for the chapter being short, but it's pretty juicy so hopefully that will make up for it. My only excuse is that I've been with family that doesn't know about my writing so I tried to keep it that way. I also tried to make up for it by posting other fan fictions so please check those out! Again, I'm sorry and hope you enjoy.

My smile faded and my shoulders sagged.

"But I cant... do that to you."

He sighed and pulled away from me, not even looking at me. There was a long silence.

"Why _do_ you care so much? For me. I haven't done anything for you. Hell I haven't really even done anything. Nothing will change if I get out of this or not so why are you trying so hard?"

His face flushed and he cleared his throat before speaking.

"It doesn't matter what you've done for me, Levi. I'm not going to be another person that can see what's going on, and do nothing about it."

I didn't know how to respond. I lowered my head and kept my gaze towards my desk.

"Levi, the night you came to dinner, the look in your eyes wasn't 'nothing'. There was fear and panic. When you said you were married, there was something else in your voice, it wasn't- endearing or full of love. There was uncertainty in there somewhere like you were doing something you shouldn't be. And these past couple weeks? You looked... almost dead. You spoke like you were reading from a script and when you weren't working, you just stared off into the middle of no where."

I glanced up at him and felt the lump in my throat come back.

"And Levi, I'll be damned if I let that go on, or happen again. Because I'd just be another one of those people that stands by and doesn't say anything."

I was silent; I didn't know what to say, because everything he already said was true. I wiped my nose and started to breathe again before I met his eyes. When I did, his eyes had that look and I knew that he wasn't going to let this go until I agreed. As stubborn as I am, I just, didn't trust myself enough to let him help me just yet.

"I can't.. just up and leave. Just.. let me think about this.. and if.. I can trust you."

He opened his mouth to say other wise before he closed it again and nodded, letting out a sigh with it.

"Just promise me, that you _will_ think about it."

I nodded and stood up after a moment. I walked over to the door and opened it, gesturing for him to exit which he took his time doing. I waited for him to turn the corner before I went to clean up the class room. I left about 20 minutes later and sat in my car, wanting to do anything else than go home. I felt my shoulders start to shake and the rest of my body lean on the steering wheel while I finally let the tears come down on my lap. I didn't stay that way for long, but the crying didn't stop until I was atleast half way home but I still felt the lump in my throat as I came in through the front door.

I opened the door to see Erwin sitting on the couch, like he was waiting for me. A couple seconds later he looked up at me and I realized what was on the table; multiple shirts with blood stains on the sleeves, accompanied with blades that I've never seen, a few packs of cigarettes, some empty or half filled. And then there was me, with wet tears still on my cheeks, puffy eyes, pale, skinny and vulnerable. Erwin was sober, believe it or not, hair still brushed back from work and wearing a white button up with a black tie that remained spotless.

"Was this.. me? Did I.. cause all of this?"

I didn't answer.

"Levi.. I need you to tell me that this was because of me."

I waited a second to speak, and I spoke quietly.

"You know what I've been through before.. and you still.. did that to me."

He sighed to himself and stood up to walk over to me. I didn't look at him when he stopped. He reached for my arms and I pulled away. He halted his movement which made me look at his face, and whatever expression it was, convinced me to put down my guard. When my body loosened, he grabbed my arm lightly and pushed up my sleeve, then did the same to other. He looked at them for a while before bringing my hands together a placing a light kiss on the skin. He then put my arms down and hugged my small body this. At first, I thought he was putting up an act, which is why I didn't hug him right away. But when his shoulders started to shake and I could hear him crying, I knew that he regretted everything he did. But there was still doubt, why he didn't notice earlier, why he didn't do anything when I told him to stop drinking, why he didn't talk to me before. The wetness that seeped through my shirt reminded me to hug him. After all, this was all I could've wanted; just to hug him again, just to _have_ him again. He squeezed me as he spoke, which made my heart ache.

"Levi, I'm so.. _fucking_ sorry for what I did to you. I-I should've listened to you and stopped drinking before I did something like that, and-and I didn't, and for that I'm so sorry."

He pulled away and wiped my eyes of the tears that fell and placed his hand on my cheek so I would look at him.

"I understand if you don't believe me, but Levi, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I beg you, to please stay. I-I'll go to treatment if you want me to, I'd do anything to see you smile again, and the fact that I made you like this, it kills me. I realize now, what I've done to you and it hurts me so much to see you like this. I'd do anything for you but please, just please, forgive me.."

He looked me in the eyes and placed a light kiss on my forehead.

"Please."

"How can I be sure, Erwin?" My voice was quiet.

He looked at me a little while longer and lowered his head.

"You have every reason to doubt me, but I'm asking you to please just give me another chance. I don't expect you to forgive me right away, that's the last thing I'd expect, but I promise it would be worth it to try and fix this, fix our marriage, fix us. You have no idea how much I've missed you, Levi, missed your touch, warmth, smile, voice, smell. I missed holding you. And I'm asking to be able to have all of that again, to have you. I'm willing to do anything for that if you'll just.. have me."

A small smile came to his lips along with a glimpse of hope in his crystal blue eyes.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I just couldn't. Everything he said made my heart hurt and there was a part of me that wanted him and another part that was scared of him. I wanted him more than anything, just to hug him and kiss him. He held me to him but I wrapped my arms around his neck to lift myself so I _could_ kiss him. I felt his lips smile against mine as he held me closer. We stayed this way for a while.

But no matter how long I was there in his arms again, I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't right.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Everything went along, sort of to plan. I got my hopes too high thinking that Erwin would stop drinking from the start, which was really dumb of me to think. I went off on him a couple times because he still drank, even though it was way less. I kinda felt sorry for Erwin in a way, because I was being such a pain in the ass, but I got over it by telling myself that I deserved the right to be a pain in the ass. Other nights when he didn't drink, he was sweet, like the man I knew before. I was still too doubtful to sleep in the room with him, so I'd often pass out on the couch without a pillow and a blanket because I guess being as depressed as I was, I was too tired to get up and get one, so Erwin would get them for me when he came home late to see me curled up on the couch. In the mornings, he started cooking for a while and I'd wake up to hot cup of coffee the exact way I like it. Sometimes, I'd even wake up with the fridge empty of beer bottles, which was also pretty satisfying on my part. Erwin also cleaned the house regularly and whenever I insisted he'd sit me back on the couch or hand me a drink and tell me not to worry anymore.

That went on for as long as it took me to trust him in the least again, until I looked healthy; bright skin tone, no bags under my eyes, scars started fading, smiles came up more and occasionally laughs, which brought smiles onto Erwins face, which I haven't seen in months. Erwin truly kept his promise to me, even through everything I was dragging him through. That's what gave me hope, seeing things gradually fix themselves until I couldn't smell the whiskey in the apartment anymore. 

Through-out that time, our anniversary was getting closer and closer and Erwin didn't tell me what he was planning to do; I didn't expect anything big naturally, because I never wanted anything big. But along with that date coming up, I found myself getting more anxious because I knew we would both be drinking no matter where we went because we both made a deal; no alcohol unless its an occasion. I started fearing about what could happen but I knew Erwin was better so that's what I kept telling myself. 

I still think about the offer Eren had made me, thinking if I should've taken it, would things be different? Would I even be married at this point? Was it good that I tried to keep this marriage alive or should I have killed it?

Eren didn't let it go either, he talked to me more, asked what was happening during my week and if I was doing okay, which made me feel a bit better about this whole thing because even though I basically ignored him, he still cared about me. Which was doubted when I told him about my anniversary was coming up. His face looked somewhat hurt and maybe a tad angry. I wished I didn't mention it but I think Eren knew that I was nervous about this because when he looked back at me, he changed the look on his face and tried to tell me it would all be okay.   
He reached out for my hand, which I let him take, and turned it so my palm was facing up. He took a pen from my desk and wrote down what I assumed was his number and wrote 'Eren' underneath it. 

"If anything happens, anything at all, just call me. I'll do my best to be there."

With that, he smiled and walked out of the classroom. I turned to watch him leave and then looked back at my hand before closing it into a fist and gathering my things to head home. My phone buzzed and lit up with a message from Erwin; "I'm going to be late home tonight, don't wait up, left overs in the fridge". I knitted my eyebrows together reading it but clicked it off anyway, he was never given overtime so it was strange, but I figured he wanted a little extra money for our night so I let it slide. I gathered the last of my stuff and headed out of the building to get on my way home. I sat in my car thinking for a bit, since Erwin wasn't going to be home, there was really nothing to do, but I couldn't think of anything either.

I heard a sharp tap on the window on the other side of the car and before I looked over the door opened as someone comfortably sat in the passenger seat. That someone happened to be Eren.

"So, what are you doing out here looking all gloomy?"

I looked at him confused as he urged me on.

"What are you-.."

"Doing in your car?" He shrugged. "I thought you were upset about something. Well, I also needed a ride since mine ditched."

"Do you always just let yourself in other peoples cars?"

"Well it's not like I'm a stranger."

"That doesn't give you a ticket to just get in."

He though for a second and looked back at me, stopping to check my arms since the sleeves were pushed up. I pulled them down and gave him a look.

"Things are better at home?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Your arms are- clean and well, you look better but I feel like you're still scared of something, your anniversary right?"

"Everyone's nervous for their anniversary right?"

He shook his head . "Not usually."

I sighed. "Why does it matter to you? Its not like I'm planning a suicide on my anniversary."

"Are you?"

"No!"

"Alright, sorry." He backed down a bit. "I'm just making sure that you're okay. At home or with him."

"Him? He has a name you know."

"Yeah, I know, but he isn't exactly my favorite person."

I rolled my eyes as an awkward silence started to develop.

I put my keys into the ignition and buckled. "Where do you need to be driven, kid?"

"Just home, so basically we're going to the same place."

"You don't want to stop anywhere? Because I'm stopping for coffee." I pulled out and started to drive.

"I guess I could get coffee." He buckled and sat normally.

"Coffee it is then."

We mostly drove in silence, minus the radio that played and occasional side talk until we pulled into the place. He told me what he wanted, which I repeated to the server then I ordered mine. He pulled out his wallet which I pushed the money away and just handed the lady my credit card. Eren insisted that he pays but I ignored him and handed him his coffee when it came, he eventually shut up and thanked me then took a sip. We talked a bit more driving towards the apartments we both lived in, same dumb side talk but there was more of it that made us both feel a bit more comfortable. The drive felt longer than usual which was strange but it didn't bother me like I was aching to get out. I guess the kid was starting to grow on me. Which reminded me of the night that Erwin flipped on me because he thought I was cheating on him. That little thought changed my entire mood, I didn't talk as much now and Eren noticed a whole lot quicker than I thought he would. He didn't bring it up of course but when we parked at the apartment complex we both sat there until he spoke up.

"So.. you never told me what happened the night I invited you to dinner.." He was hesitant to ask.

"Well uh... when I was leaving, I had to tell Erwin where I was going, and when I told him, he thought that... I was cheating on him.. with you. When I stood up for myself that's when he uh.. hit me. The first time."

He nodded a little bit. "I'm sorry.."

I shrugged and I could feel that he had something else to say since the tension was definitely too hard to ignore.

"Levi- this isn't my place to say this but, I don't think you should be with him."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long gaps between chapters and the shortness, I've just been having some personal issues but I'll try my best on this chapter because I want this to be one of best works or at least made an effort so I'm back I guess. Instead of rambling I'll let you get to reading, hope you enjoy. (sorry again )

Nothing else he has said to me caught my attention more than that did, it made my stomach drop and my heart ache, and it felt like something was stuck in my throat, like my grip was slipping as hot tears threatened to spill over my eyes. Eren looked deeper into my eyes as his face somewhat shifted into regret and worriedness. I looked away naturally, thinking for a second the turned around and tried to look like my usual self again, emotionless and rude. If it fits wear it. I looked back at him and felt it again, the aching starting back up in my chest and I questioned if I'd be able to keep up the stone cold act this time. When I snapped out of it, Eren's hand was on my shoulder and he was staring to gently making his way to hold my neck to where his fingers could just touch my hairline. I didn't necessarily want to pull away but I was scared that Erwin would figure out, and that I'd ruin everything we've done this far. It was too much to loose, but of course my body was ignoring everything my head was saying to stop.

And that's how I figured everything out for myself, and I honestly felt dumb that it took me this long. That that's why Eren has been doing all of this, bugging me, offering everything he could, more bugging me, worming his way into my life. All because he wanted to get close to me. Guess I was caught up in my stupid fantasy world where everything was happy and perfect, denying that it was ruined a while ago. I was too focused on Erwin because I thought he was the love of my life, too caught up in my stupid highschool feelings to ever let go of him or let go of everything we already had. I guess greedy would be the word. Which brought me to my current situation, crying while cheating on my husband, but too cowardly to stop myself. Eren pulled away and tried to give me space, but I held his arm in place so he knew not to leave. He came back close to me, and set his forehead on mine after wiping my eyes then placed a quick kiss on mine again.

And oddly, I smiled and laughed. Because for the first time in about 4 years, I felt that spark again. The one that gave you at least a little hope that things are getting better finally. Because in these 8 years with Erwin. For the most part everything was fine. But whenever I would be the one that did all the cleaning and the cooking for too long, Erwin would get used to that and start getting drunker and drunker then expected me to be scared of him and keep my mouth shut. Which I never did which resulted in more fights, anger. And that happened quite a few times in our marriage. I was desperate for really anything that could make me feel like I had some use for anything, so I let Erwin take out whatever he needed on me. I figured it's better me than someone else right? Well that never last for long. We find bullshit reasons to stay together which is exhausting and frustrating over the hundred times we've done this.

Eren smiled back at me and combed my hair back with his fingers to see if I was still crying. I thought more about Eren, everything he would say to me during the couple weeks after the last incident with Erwin, starting to come back to me, not specific things but it would atleast catch my attention and almost make me smile when I couldn't feel anything other than emptiness.

That of course ended pretty quickly when Erwin pulled Eren out of the car when we separated. What started up, actually, was the same fear that I felt whenever I felt like I was loosing the old Erwin. Which I now realize, that I lost a long time ago. I realized how much I regretted not leaving Erwin a long time ago. I really thought I was stronger than that. I guess that I felt like I could eventually have control over everything again, and now I know how arrogant I was for taking things like that granted, Erwin slamed Eren up to the side of the car, and was mouthing off, which gave me time to stop thinking for once and  try to pull Erwin off the kid. I pulled one of Erwins arms away for a couple seconds before he realized I was there and let Eren go to grab me. He twisted his arm around to grab one of mine and pushed it against my chest then did the same with the other. In no time at all, Erwin shoved Eren away and slammed my back against the car.

He stared straight into my eyes, as I could see the anger, confusion and pain in his eyes because there was so much of it. I guess I know why, but why should I really feel bad for him? He pulled me away and pushed me back against the car door to get my attention and then I could hear his voice.

"Answer me, have you been lying to me this whole time?"

"I-I.. Uh.." I was scared out my mind, trying to figure out if I should lie or tell the truth, trying to figure out what was the best option.

He didn't want to give me time, which he let me know by letting one arm go to hit me across the face then yank me so I looked him in the eye. I looked over to Eren, who was laying on the cement parking block desperately holding onto his rib cage, until I figured out that's what Erwin threw him onto. Erwin jerked my face away and tightened his grip around my jaw and my neck, making it ache so I'd know that he could seriously hurt me.

"I wasn't _lying_ to you about anything."

As my throat got tighter, my heart beat started to get faster, finally realizing the situation I was really in.

"You said that like you haven't lied either, Erwin." I bit back. "Don't act like you haven't."

"Like recently, you told me you stopped drinking, but I can smell it on your breath. You promised that you'd get better, that this would never happen again; that on you've broken many times. In your vows, you promised me that you would never put me through my past, and you broke that one too. I can go on and on. So don't act like this is doing any good."

A couple seconds after, his grip tightened again, tightened a lot more until I could just barley breathe enough to keep consciousness. He leaned down with a far beyond angry look on his face and started to whisper. It only took me a second to realize that he was repeated all of his vows to me, word for word. Not even half way through all of them and I was really crying and trying to pull away from him, which was making it harder to breathe. He pushed me back against the car quickly and push his body up to me, his fingers starting to hook in to my jeans until his hand was fixed in the fabric. He moved his hand around to my ass and started to rake his nails up slowly up the small of my back. Until his hand was going up my shirt. I felt sick and took one hand away from his arm to try and pull him away, but black was spotting my vision because I still couldn't breathe. But I tried to use all the strength I had to get him away from me.

My legs where starting to give out as my body started to slump when I noticed Eren stood up and pulled Erwin away by yanking as hard as he could at the back of Erwins shirt. It worked so the both of them fell on the ground, Eren managing to keep him down even though that he was in a lot of pain doing so. I fell aswell, my legs gave out quickly underneath me but as soon as I could I tried to breathe in as much as possible but being on the ground started the coughing which didn't feel great at all considering the pain on my neck. I looked over when my vision was clear, to the spot Eren was waiting before and noticed that his phone was still on because it was on the line with the 911 number.

I look over to Eren who was starting to loose his grip on Erwin, and Erwin is starting to get up. I heard a couple of cars pulling into the lot as Eren was pushing him back onto the ground.

And I started to ask myself

who are they going to want to arrest here?

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CANT EVEN BEGIN ON HOW SHORT THIS IS. BUT I AM REALLY STRUGGLING ON KEEPING THIS STORY GOING. THIS STORY MIGHT NOT LAST MUCH LONGER BUT I DONT KNOW MYSELF. BEAR WITH ME GUYS.

The smoke started to clear. Nothing he said to me really mattered at all, he never really carried through with anything that came from his mouth. Nothing changed in him, even when he was being dragged into the cop car by his hair. The dark violet still swam around, taking over the crystal clear blue in his eyes that I used to love. Even when he called after me, his voice was different, filled with hatred and control. That's when I got it, when I wanted nothing more than the sweet escape of alcohol to clog my senses and to just forget the painful 8 years of marriage. But it was never that easy was it?

  
Hugging the toilet bowl every morning was replaced by the curse of the drink, instead of just plain feeling sick because I couldn't be what he wanted me to. Days started to blur as my memory got worse and worse with every bottle, and I didn't want it to stop, in fear that I'd see it again, feel it again; his fingers curling around my neck and the terrifying flash in eyes when I couldn't breathe. Pain smeared like paint through out my entire body, at my own fault of course, because once again I thought that I deserved worse. Maybe I didn't, but there was always this nagging voice in the back of my head that didn't let me think other wise. Maybe it was him, Erwin, they sure sounded similar and every now and then, a different voice, had a body, that would lift me off of the bathroom floor, poke around me a bit. Sometimes, things would wrap around my arms, I'd open my eyes and all I'd see was a warm brown, which also carried the scent of pine trees.  
I was too drunk half the time to even realize that it was Eren that had taken up a place on my couch from a place of concern for me. Whenever I wasn't intoxicated, I'd be lectured on the subject, I'd be poked at and questioned. It seemed I never had a moment to myself. Which wasn't entirely horrible, considering that if I was alone this whole time, perhaps I would be dead by now.

 

But one particular day, as I stumbled out of my bedroom, long sleeve hanging off one shoulder, hair somewhat combed with my fingers, recovering from yesterdays black out, Eren was standing at the sink holding a cloudy glass pouring the contents down the drain. I was mad, but I knew if I flipped out on him, it would only start to look worse for me. So I swallowed, crossed my arms and leaned against the doorway, holding a straight-slightly pissed off face, my fingers finding their way to my wedding ring. I still never took it off, there was still a lot of love between us, I guess, but it wasnt good for either of us to love each other. It was strange to think about, like a lot of things these days. Normally, I might've been ripping my hair out of my head by now, but everything was so much easier with intoxication masking everything.

  
"If you think that this will shift the stars and make everything okay again, I don't even know where to begin on how wrong you are."

  
He rolled his eyes at me, clearly irritated, and wiped his hands off, then leaning on the counter facing me so I could see just how mad he was. His jaw was tight, eyebrows slightly furrowed, eyes narrowed, nostrils somewhat flared. It wasn't a bad look. Or maybe I was still fucked up from yesterdays breakdown.

  
"How much of this week do you _even remember_ , Levi? Do you remember how much weight you've lost from puking up your insides every morning?"

  
"There's nothing to remember Eren. You think sitting and doing nothing is really worth remembering?"

  
"There is something to remember, you're just too drunk off your fucking ass to realize it."

  
"Oh? Then would you care to shed some light on it then?"

  
He sighed loudly and licked his lips, putting pieces together in his head.

  
"Before he left, we had something, something I was willing to bleed for, Levi. Why do you think I've stayed? Watched over you, made sure you ate, made sure you lived. Sure, I'm just some kid you used to teach, but I looked up to you, and I'm not going to let that go to waste over some abusive ass-hat."

  
"Eren-"

  
"No, no you don't get to do that. Not after I've had to sit here and watch you unravel like that. I'm not leaving, not until you're okay, until you at least look alive. Or at least able to survive on your own."

  
His voice was breaking and he was trying to get his breath back from talking so fast. He looked away from me, down at the countertop and licking his lips again. I didn't know I was starting to shake until I started to breathe again.

  
I never knew how real it actually was until someone other than myself, had to scream it in my face.

 

 

  
"Which was why I called them."

  
My eyes snapped to his as water fell from my eyes, my heart stopping straight in its path. I felt my heart come crawling up my throat, the anger burning behind my eyes, possibly more betrayal.

  
I was finding it hard to breathe, finding it hard to do anything other than stand stiff  and still.

  
When the door opened, two men walked through, with stone cold faces. I looked back at Eren and wanted nothing more than to break his. He muttered an apology under his breath, refusing to look me in the eyes anymore.

  
"So this your solution? This is your master plan, your magic "OK" button?! You think that this will make everything good and perfect? How the fuck did you put the pieces together on that one?"

  
The two men started walking towards me, moving their hands my way in a gesture to grab my arms. I pulled away and snapped back.

  
"Don't even fucking touch me, I can walk on my own."

  
They exchanged looks and nodded, stepping away from me and letting me do what I needed to before walking me out.

  
"Maybe you're right. Maybe more time left by myself, _will_ fix everything. Maybe more time to think about it will solve all my problems."

  
After more and more silence, one of the two men cleared their throat, muttering a 'sir' and carefully glancing at me. I shook my head laughing to myself and walking out the door, towards the last bit of the world that I'll see.

  
Once I was moving, I didn't fell anything. Didn't feel mad, angry, scared, sad, confused. If anything, I felt better, relaxed, okay. I knew how hard this was going to be, admitting to myself what happened, every day for a while, explaining it over and over again, experiencing it over and over again. I knew how much I would want nothing more than just a drop of sweet intoxication, but never have that longing fulfilled.  
I wouldn't have anything, pain, ignorance, blindness. Just adding on and on to the list of 'wants' and shortening the list of 'haves'.  
For a second, I wondered if I'd ever even feel 'happy' again, if I'd ever find something else to distract me.

 

 

  
And then I wondered, didn't I already find it?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, well that was interesting. I hope you enjoyed and there will definitely be more to come and I'll be trying to post 3 times a week.


End file.
